Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
