Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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