I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
