my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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