does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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