The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
