What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
