Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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