i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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