my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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