Your tits are I can't wait for
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
