Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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