Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
