Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
