Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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