He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
