I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
