The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
