You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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