he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
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I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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