Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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