Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
