Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
