she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
