my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
