My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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