You just made me feel so damn special
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
