Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
