My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
