i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You smell like stripper and shame
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
