my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I need moral support for this bender
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
