you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
