Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Terrible idea I love it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
