I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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