imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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