Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
