just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
