dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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