I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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