absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
