do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
