I wannas sexs uuuuu
this beer tastes like vomit already
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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