You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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