Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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