you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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