Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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