i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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