if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
