you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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