To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize