i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
