When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
