Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He better not be in your backpack
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
