My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
