update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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