my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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