So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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