if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
