too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
