well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
