This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
