I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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