I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
