There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
