You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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