I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
