Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
only if we run a train.
done.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
